


The Wild Cat

by Friendlylycanthrope



Series: Let's Talk About It [11]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Abner is there for a hot sec, Catra Redemption, Dont ask why, Full focus on Catra, Gen, Things get hot and steamy, bumping up the rating cause chapter 3 gets saucy for a hot sec, but dont worry its all good, but things gotta get worse first, catra thinks about her life, introspective, looks like its going to be explicit but then veers away at the last second, minor Glimmer/Adora, working towards that eventual redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:47:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24066073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Friendlylycanthrope/pseuds/Friendlylycanthrope
Summary: The Wild Cat of the Horde has become a common term for the Fright Zones most lethal and capable strategist. She has haunted and taunted the rebellion leaders for years during her reign as Hordak's second in command. But now, the Wild Cat has gone MIA, and her career with the horde will be forever changed.
Series: Let's Talk About It [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1714624
Comments: 13
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

  
  


Two months. It had been two months since Adora had seen or heard from Catra. She didn’t appear on the battlefield. They didn’t meet in secret. There were no sneaky notes. And now, the rest of the rebellion was starting to notice the absence of the thorn in their side. Several princesses were able to piece together that nobody had seen or heard from the terrifying Wild Cat of the Horde, the second in command, for two months. Glimmer tried to ease Adora’s worries about her, but even she had to admit that this could very easily be bad rather than good. 

“She must be planning something. Something big.” Frosta said. The rest of the alliance murmured in agreement. All except Adora and Glimmer.

“We have to be prepared.” Perfuma added.

“For what?” Bow asked.

“For some sort of large scale attack, I would assume.” She said. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t jump to conclusions...” Adora said, not making eye contact with anyone, but staring at the table ahead of her. “Maybe she got hurt and hasn’t been on active duty.” The thought made her stomach twist up.

“Adora is right.” Glimmer said. “We have to admit that the attacks from the horde lately have been much less pervasive, almost like they’re backing off. Maybe we can take this as a good sign.” Of course, nobody knew that those coincidences were due to Adora and Catra meeting up and working together for upwards of a year now. Some of the princesses nodded in agreement. 

“Still, they haven’t made any big moves on new territory in a while.” Bow said skeptically. “Which means we’re probably overdue for one. It can’t hurt to be a little extra prepared.”

“I agree with Bow.” Queen Angella said. “Luck favors the prepared. I suggest that all the princesses return to their own kingdoms in case the horde attacks. We don’t know who their next target may be. None of us should be vulnerable.”

“I can have my agents keep an eye out for any suspicious chatter.” General Abner put in. “I have a few spies in the horde that are only in touch if something big happens. I can get word through my network that they need to remain vigilant in case they hear any rumors or see something suspicious.”

“I can tell the scouts in the kingdoms watching the horde camps to look out for anything suspicious too.” Glimmer added.

“Very well then.” Angella said, standing to her full height. “For right now, we are neither offensive or defensive, so we will go into surveillance mode. Perhaps this break from the Wild Cat of the Horde will let us catch our breath. Meeting adjourned.”

Afterwards, Adora and Glimmer returned to Glimmer’s room, where Adora paced anxiously.

“It’s probably most likely that someone caught wind of her plans and had her thrown in prison or worse...” Adora calculated. “Last time we met, she said that a high ranking officer may have been suspecting her.”

“What would they do to her if they found out?”

“Hordak would probably either kill her or sentence her to exile on Beast Island, an unforgiving wasteland from which none return.” Adora’s voice rose as she spoke. “We can’t panic!” She yelled loudly, shaking Glimmer’s shoulders.

“Adora! Snap out of it!” Glimmer shook her back. “We don’t know for sure what happened!”

“You’re right, Catra was always the smart one. And she’s a way better liar than I am. I’m sure it’s nothing. But then why haven’t we seen her?! What if she got hurt!”

“Getting hurt in the horde can’t be that bad, can it?”

“Oh, it’s that bad! It’s worse.”

“Look, even I’m starting to worry about her. Even after everything she’s done I don’t think she’s really bad deep down... But there’s nothing we can do now but wait.” Adora seemed unconvinced. “Would doing your exercises help you?”

“Maybe...” 

“Well I know that seeing you working out always helps me...” Glimmer said flirtatiously. They each cracked a nervous smile, happy to have each other.

  
  
  


***

  
  


Catra dipped her hands into the running water beneath her, and brought the cupped water up to her face. It spilled down her cheeks until her shirt was wet as the water returned to the riverbank and she repeated the motion several times. Finally, she looked at her own reflection in the smooth surface of the water.

So this is what she had come to. She looked like a wild animal, with her unkempt hair. Covered in dirt and blood after her first fun night with the wildlife of the whispering woods. And not to mention how hungry she was. There were villages here, sure. But she couldn’t risk getting spotted. Not yet. The rebellion wanted her arrested and locked up for life, and the horde wanted her head on a platter. 

If it wasn’t for the help of Scorpia and the interference of Entrapta, she would be dead by now, her body rotting in a dumpster in the Fright Zone. She made it out just in time with barely the fur on her tail as it was. 

Turns out, Sanchez was suspicious enough of her line of victories and losses that prompted some surveillance bots to be dropped in her room. And if there is anything that Hordak values, it’s trust. Shattering that trust spelled her doom, and now the horde was short by one force captain.

It had been a few days since she had run to where no horde soldier would bother looking for her. The moving landscapes of the magical whispering woods gave her safety where she used to--and still did-- see danger. But dying of exposure or malnutrition or being eaten by some monster would be a better end than whatever Hordak had in mind.

She had to smile at the thought. Her own warped reflection stared back at her with a crooked smile. It was almost like being in the jungle again. The thing that had started this whole mess. Except trade blunt force trauma and hot humid landscape for the full lethal force of the horde hunting her down. She wasn’t sure which was worse.

Months of planning, all wasted. The one thing she actually ever wanted out of this stupid war, gone forever. If a horde soldier ever discovered her, she could pay their holiday bonus twice with the bounty on her head for her public execution. Why put in all the effort, all the sleepless nights, all the schemes, all the training and thinking, if this is what it got her?And now what was she supposed to do? She had no prospects, no future, no ambitions. The horde had anything she ever wanted--power and control--- and now there was no hope. Her career was over.

Catra went through her go bag until she found what she was looking for. A knife, not much to look at but enough to get the job done. 

Looking at her reflection in the water, Catra reached up behind her, and bunched all her hair together in one hand, the knife in the other. It would have been nice, to say that it was one dramatic swoop that sliced through, leaving her with a handful of hair and a perfect haircut. But in reality, it took a longer time and a lot of effort, slicing through a few locks at a time, and letting them fall into the water and be washed away. Catra kept working at it until it ended just at her chin, not even touching her shoulders. It was... different. It looked sloppy, and felt so much lighter than she was ever used to. But it would do for now. This way, she wouldn’t get recognized right away, which might buy her enough time to steal some food, or whatever these peasants ate that wasn’t a pasty artificial bar. Hunting wasn’t working in her favor, and the few ration bars she did have would not last long.

Catra stood up from where she was crouched next to the bank, and ran her hands through her now shorter than ever mane of wild hair. The clumsy job made her look even more wild in addition to how hungry she was, covered in dirt and mud. She wondered for a moment if anyone would pity her and just give her free food. Unsure how to feel about that, she decided to just stay low until some of the heat blew over in the horde. And then... what?

She couldn’t go to the rebellion, they would have her executed for a public celebration as much as the horde. Adora would always help her, but she doubted that the warrior was in a good enough position with the princesses to let the Wild Cat of the Horde stay under their roof. 

Horde is out. Rebellion is out. Rejoining society would be out if they were horde or rebellion aligned. Staying in the wild didn’t seem to suit her. There were a lot of options that she didn’t have. And she was alone. But she would be damned if anyone said she was afraid. She’d make do. 

  
  


***

  
  


“Your majesty, as requested, I have brought you reports from my network of agents.” Abner reported. This meeting was herself, the Queen, and the trio of the Best Friend Squad. All the other princesses had returned to their kingdoms to prepare their defenses in case of siege.

“Proceed.” The Queen said with a wave of her hand. The general pulled up the electronic hologram map on the table, with several locations marked. 

“I am awaiting confirmation from my agents within the horde, but others in the field have reported that there are rumors that Force Captain Catra was slated for termination before escaping.” Gasps broke out amongst the table. Everyone looked at Adora next, and she was able to explain the horde ideas of termination.

“If she was planning on taking out Hordak, she wouldn’t just be discharged.” She said with as straight a face as she could muster. “She would be publicly executed.”

“But is it good or bad?” Bow asked. “That she escaped. I mean, we don’t have to worry about her anymore I guess? But where would she go?”

“Without their second in command, the horde may be under weak leadership. This could be a good time to strike while they are scrambling to fill the position, or smoking out the rest of the officers that would have helped her.” Glimmer pointed out.

“But where is she now?” Adora asked. She couldn’t help the anxiety that showed in her voice. 

Abner waved towards the few pinpoints on the map. 

“There are reports of sightings of a woman who matches her description moving about the whispering woods. But so far the only moves the target has made are to steal supplies and leave without getting caught.”

“She must fear the rebellion as much as the horde.” Angella commented. “She has taken actions against both sides, and has nowhere to turn to.”

“At least she isn’t posing a threat right now.” Bow put in. “She doesn’t have any allies and doesn’t seem to want to hurt anybody, she’s just on her own.”

“I don’t think we should underestimate her.” Abner said. “The Wild Cat of the Horde has outsmarted us before. I’m going to keep a detail on her every movement. Let’s not forget that the ruins and the temple in the woods are loaded with first one’s tech.”

“You raise an excellent point, General. We should keep tabs on her movements for the time being. But do not engage.”

“What about the horde, we should strike!” Glimmer yelled, eager for action. Angella rolled her eyes. “They’re under weak leadership and facing a power vacuum, it would be the prefect time to attack!”

“No attacking the horde for now. We will focus instead on preparing our defenses in case of an attack.”

“Your mother is right, Glimmer.” Adora said. “All the other generals in the horde will be wanting to prove their own worth by bringing victories to Hordak until he fills the position.”

“I shall send words to the other princesses about this development.” Angella said. “Meeting adjourned.”

  
  


***

  
  


Catra wasn’t an idiot. She knew that people were watching her movements. So as a countermeasure, she tried to keep her path as erratic as possible. Go to one village, stay a while, then go the completely opposite direction, before heading south just before getting into the next small town in the woods. Hopefully she could shake her tail before anyone captured or interrogated her.

These few weeks were filled with movement through the trees and the ground. Along the way she obtained a deep blue poncho with a hood that could cover her face so it would be easier to move through the more populated areas. She only took as much food as she needed, and tried to stock up so she wouldn’t have to go back to areas she had hit before.

Turns out the rest of the world didn’t eat pasty gray bars of artificial nutrition. There were fruits and cakes and fruitcakes, and meats and vegetables and noodles. She inhaled it all with glee once she got out to somewhere safe in the wilderness again, wondering how it was made and what it was made of. Suddenly the world had flavor, things that were salty and sweet and so savory that her mouth watered. Her goals became less about hiding from the horde or the rebellion, and more about discovering just how different the world was from what she thought.

There was music. Children played together. There was art. Catra saw families, parents with their children, eating and sleeping together with what little they had. She learned as much as she could about the civilians living in the woods as she could, fascinated at every turn at what the villages did with themselves. It was the first time she learned what society was like outside of war. It was almost enough to distract her from her own great failure.

Honestly, the idea of not being in the horde was a mixed blessing that was a source of depression for her. She could never go back, could never claim the throne as her own and become a great leader. She tried not to think about it, but the question she kept asking herself was: what she would do next, once she got back on her feet when all the heat died down. She had nowhere to go. And she couldn’t keep passing around between the villages forever, or someone would eventually notice and her cover would be blown. 

It nagged at her when she tried to sleep up in the branches of trees. What did she want? 

Shadow Weaver was always very clear in her teachings. She was worthless. Catra acted on pure spite of that in her desperate attempt to claw her way to the top, to prove that she was worth something. Having power meant you were useful. Useful meant that you would finally be worthy of reward, whether it’s getting recognized by your superiors, or ... whatever else you wanted. What did she want?

Catra realized that she wasn’t totally alone, she still had Scorpia and Entrapta in the horde, as well as Adora in the rebellion. Of course, going to either would just put them in danger, not to mention herself.

Friends... why would people care about her if they weren’t using her? What good was she like this?

Then there was the issue of love. Adora and Scorpia had both confessed that they loved her. Catra thought that it couldn’t have been the truth, not unless she was worth something.

She isn’t worthy of love unless she’s in power...

The truth nagged at her and she continually swatted it away from her thoughts like a fly in the summertime. 

She couldn’t have power any more. All those bridges were burned. She had shown that for he biggest project of her life she had utterly failed. Ruined. Just like everything else. It wasn’t supposed to go like this, it was going to be all coming up Catra soon. But now, she was just a failure. Maybe she always was, and was a fool for thinking she could change that. She was doomed from the start to fail. 

And yet, she still had friends. People who cared about her.

It must have been four weeks on her own in the woods before Catra finally allowed herself to cry-- quietly, as all cadets learn to do. She didn’t know why. She had been alone all her life, hurt again and again, and finally made something of herself only for it to all be pulled out from under her. And she wanted to not be alone anymore. She wanted to deserve love, but knew that there was nothing for her in the cold world. Catra cursed at the night sky, hurling insults at fate and history and all of Etheria. But the sky ate her words and didn’t give her anything in return. 

And still, she didn’t know the answer she was looking for.  _ Now What. _

Should she reach out to Adora to let her know she was alive? With the tail she kept trying to shake, she had a feeling that she already knew. Catra didn’t want to disappoint her again with her failure. Would she get Scorpia on her side? No, that would only cost her a promising career in exchange for living off scraps in the wild. And not that Scorpia wouldn’t do that--she would follow Catra anywhere. Which is why Catra couldn’t ask her to do that. Until she found the answer, she would keep wandering around the villages of the woods, sad and hungry. She would hope and wish for better, but think and feel that this was what she deserved for the failure that she turned herself into. 

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something changes in Catra's routine. Meanwhile in the rebellion, Glimmer and Adora go on a date.

  
  


It was morning, but the night before had dropped enough rain to leave everything still soaked and dripping into puddles the next day. Catra kept her hood up and her face down, dripping as she walked. There was no shelter from the downpour in the trees, and she tried to ignore the cold wet feeling in her bare feet.

The people of this village were just waking to greet the day and start their chores. At this location, they sat near the foot of a large blue bluff that protected them. Ladders and walkways were seen rising across its surface, with small huts both on the ground and up high. Catra had been here before, to steal from their clotheslines. Hopefully it had been long enough now that nobody would suspect her of anything. 

The fruits and vegetables were sold on the ground level. Catra browsed around while the fawn people set up their stands. She couldn’t take anything this soon, when there wasn’t a crowd to blend in to, so she was tempted to climb up the cliff. Catra always loved being up high, and not just because of the tactical advantage. 

Approaching the cliff, the sky was still overcast in the morning light. More fawn people appeared and came out of their homes, which meant more people that Catra would have to avoid. But that was always easy for her, as long as she was agile enough. 

A few kids ran past her, and she tried not to pay them any mind. They clambered up on the ladders and stairs ahead of her and she watched them navigate up the cliffside with ease, their large floppy ears starting to catch the wind. 

Catra tried to ignore how fast they were running on the still slick and wet wood. They probably knew how to handle themselves in this environment, right? Otherwise somebody else would tell them to slow down when they were up so high, right?

By now they were about twenty feet up. An adult fawn person called to them from the ground, and the two boys ignored it, laughing as they chased each other. Catra pulled her hood back so she could see better up the side of the cliff. She knew climbing, and that was starting to get uncomfortable to watch. 

Then it finally happened, the smaller one that was chasing the bigger one slipped in a puddle and suddenly he was pinwheeling his arms, trying to get back forward onto the walkway and not fall backwards. The adult who called his name before shrieked in terror, calling the attention of the whole of the village. This would be when Catra should have run to the shadows, the last thing she needed was to be somewhere where everyone was paying attention to one spot. But her heart was racing as she watched the child desperately trying to keep his balance, and she leapt up nimbly across the timbers and ladders on all fours, easily ascending at lightning speed until he finally fell backwards. 

Catra didn’t know what was happening. She was moving quickly, leaping up across the ropes and support poles with rapid grace unseen before as she crossed the short distance between her and the billy kid. His body collided into her outstretched arm, making her grunt with the effort of pulling his weight. With the boy secured, she confidently jumped again, this time to the ground, and landed solidly on her feet, soon falling onto her butt while clutching the young boy. 

Catra lay in the mud, clutching the kid to her chest with the wind knocked out of both of them. Why would she do that? Now everybody would see her face, this was a huge mistake, she needed to run.

Catra groaned in pain and tried to sit up. She could hear footsteps coming, people talking. She needed to get out of here. But there was only one problem, and that was that the kid wouldn’t let go of her.

“Hey, hey kid,” She tried to prompt. Suddenly there were people around her and now it was too late to get out without making a scene. A woman with tan fur and floppy ears fell to her knees and now her hands were all over the boy. 

“Dante, Dante!” She called to him. Shit. Catra was cornered. Finally she pried the boy off her torso and found that he was crying. She gasped and didn’t know why.

“Kid, you’re okay.” Catra said softer. “Are you his mother?” 

“Oh thank you so much, thank you, you saved his life, I can never repay you,” She babbled. Other people were gathered around at the spectacle, and Catra could feel panic rising in her chest. Even though the kid was now in his mother’s arms, people were watching. She needed to get away, any of these people could be the ones that were watching her. 

“Listen um, I’m just gonna go.”

She tried to stand up and walk away, and she did. But Catra felt strange as she walked away. 

It came back to her when she went to the tree branches to sleep hungry. It was the slow realization that it was the first thing she had done in weeks that wasn’t just to survive. It actually meant something, made her feel good. 

That kid was gonna be okay. Catra needed to think and figure out some stuff. She had a lot of personal stuff to figure out. 

  
  


*******************************

  
  


To say that Adora felt nervous was an understatement. She arrived at the time and place Glimmer asked to meet her at, and realized that she had completely misread the entire situation. 

Glimmer asked her to meet up in private, somewhere off in the nearby town. Given the news they had recently received about Catra being banished from the Horde, she thought that it would be a surveillance mission, perhaps they were following a lead. If not that, then it must be something important to the war. 

But sadly, no. Adora was being clueless like she always was. Just like how Glimmer had been crushing on her for so long before the fireflies. This had nothing to do with the war, because she was standing outside of a fancy restaurant with soft fancy music and soft mood lighting where everyone was dressed in their fanciest robes. And here was Adora, dressed in her usual old horde uniform, sword on her back, dirty boots, and feeling woefully unprepared. She wondered how long it would take to run back to the castle and prepare better, wondering if she could make it back before Glimmer noticed she was late. But that was just unreasonable.

“Adora!” The sweet voice like a ringing of a bell brought Adora’s soul back to her body. Glimmer was standing next to her. “You found it okay!” She said happily.

Adora could almost forget her own embarrassment at the sight of her girlfriend in formal wear for their evening out. She wore a deep blue blouse that brought out the sparkles in her hair, in contrast with the white skirt and sandals. It was like looking at the full Pearl Moon on a winter’s night, when everything becomes clear. Adora couldn’t speak, but smiled shyly as her face turned pink. The way that Glimmer had flustered her girlfriend made her own blush rise, and she smiled at Adora.

“I--I am so sorry,” Adora started to stammer. “I just--I didn’t-- I thought that um, I didn’t,”

Glimmer only then seemed to notice that Adora was dressed casually, and brought her weapon. She was so happy to see her, that Adora would have looked good smiling down at her if she were in a burlap sack.

“Adora, don’t worry. I’m just happy that you’re here.” She took her hand and led her into the establishment because restaurant is hard to spell. “I reserved a quiet spot for us--I know you don’t like trying new foods around other people.”

The booth they sat at was entirely closed off on three sides from the rest of the diners around them. It was true, Adora had developed a self conscious fear of embarrassing herself when it came to new things. She sat down and felt comforted by their isolation (still feeling underdressed) and by the fact that Glimmer had thought of her needs ahead of time. The table had a white tablecloth and a few candles, with a basket of crunchy breadsticks wrapped in a fancy napkin.

“So... this is a date?” Adora said, still a little flustered and awkward. Glimmer again reached over to comfortingly hold Adora’s hand. 

“I’m sorry, I should have been more specific. I know you tend to assume the worst sometimes. I just thought that we should get to spend more time together, since you’ve been so stressed about the developments with the horde lately.”

Adora took a deep breath and tried to relax.

“It’s not that I don’t want to prioritize you, or us, or this,” She gestured around. “It’s just, I was always told that relaxing made you vulnerable, and being vulnerable is a weakness.”

“Something that I hope to chip away at with positive reinforcement.” Glimmer said. She picked up one of the breadsticks and snapped it in half, offering it to Adora.

“Thanks, Glim.”

“There is another reason I wanted to treat you, though.” Glimmer said with a smile. “We’ve known you for more than one year now. But I still don’t know when your birthday is.”

Adora tried to mentally flip through her notes of things that she had learned in Bright Moon, trying to find if she had heard that word before.

“Bow mentioned that before once-- something to do with parties?” It was so long ago since she had been to her first party. 

“Well, when you’re younger, yeah. I was hoping we could try to figure out when it is together, over a nice meal. I’m hoping we can at least narrow it down to a season.”

Then, a waiter came in with their first course: salmon meuniere for each of them. Adora didn’t know what it was, but seemed to understand that it was just like eating standard meat, covered in sauce, and they both dug in. 

“Okay.” Adora said around a tart mouthful. “So, what is a birthday anyway?”

“It’s a marker of the day you were born, to count how old you are.” Glimmer said. She had prepared for this, and was unafraid of blatant questions. To her surprise, Adora’s face lit up in recognition.

“Oh, you mean D.O.B!” She said, pointing her fork at Glimmer.

“What? What is that?”

“Date of Birth! That’s what it was called in the Fright Zone. It marked when you were a year older!” Glimmer lit up with joy. “Of course, it was more a source of dread rather than celebration.” Adora continued more seriously, deflating Glimmer’s mood. “On your D.O.B, you get a ton of evaluations that you have to perform, to mark your growth. Physical tests, academic exams, health evaluations, all kinds of stuff. It took the whole day, and by the end you’d be too exhausted to even make it back to the barracks without help. Oh but  _ sometimes _ you would get issued a new uniform at the end of it.” She said it so casually that Glimmer felt sorry for Adora, having to go through such rigorous training every year on her birthday. She wanted to say something comforting, but it seemed like Adora didn’t need any comfort, she had merely accepted it as a fact of life. Then she remembered that it still left something unanswered.

“Wait, so when  _ is _ your birthday? Or um, date of birth?”

“January nineteenth!” Adora answered happily. “I almost forgot, what with not having my old drill sergeant around to, you know, drill me.” She chuckled. Glimmer put her chin in the palm of her hand with her elbow on the table.

“Wow. Well that was certainly a lot easier than I expected for us to figure out.” She said with almost a hint of disappointment. “But you know, Adora, birthdays aren’t like that in Bright Moon. Here, people celebrate you and give you gifts and you get to eat all your favorite foods and hang out with your friends.”

Adora seemed to pause and contemplate a moment. 

“Doesn’t make much sense.” She concluded. “What would you celebrate? The coincidence that you happened to be born?”

“I guess it’s more like... Celebrating that you made it through another year. Celebrating how might have grown over that year. And celebrating your friendships, and letting your family show how much they appreciate you.”

“It just makes more sense to use it as a marker of your development and progress.”

“Well, you can still do that, I suppose.” Glimmer chuckled.

They both cleared their plates, and the waiter took them away without a word promptly.

“So when is your D.O.B?” Adora asked. She was already making a plan in her mind. It didn’t make sense to her, but if Glimmer liked to celebrate birthdays with a party, then she would assemble one that would blow her away. 

“December first.” Glimmer smiled. “I always liked it, easy to remember. Although at that point in the year, I really think it should be considered winter, not fall.”

Adora made a mental note that she would keep tucked away, and be careful to never lose or forget. December first. December first. December first.

Meanwhile, Glimmer was more occupied thinking about the next tray that the waiter brought to their booth: dessert. She knew that Adora had an incurable sweet tooth, and the desserts they were served were greater in volume than their meal, and Adora’s eyes grew to the size of saucers at what he put down for them: pastries, ice cream, tarts, custards, cakes, and all with two spoons. Glimmer could only look extremely proud of herself as her girlfriend gawked and drooled. 

“Whaaat is happening!” She yelled with glee as she clutched her head. 

“My mom isn’t here, so we can do whatever we want!” Glimmer finally said. “That’s the official rules of being a princess!” With this in mind, she did mentally pat herself on the back for making sure they had a healthy dinner  _ before _ they went overboard on sugar.

Adora looked at Glimmer with the biggest childlike grin on her face. From her look of sheer jubilation and awe, you never would have guessed that just minutes ago she was talking about her drill sergeant working her to the bone for her birthday. Glimmer was so caught up in pride that she almost didn’t catch herself in time to receive a steamy kiss from Adora. Their lips moved together for only a moment, but it was enough to set off fireworks in both of their chests. It was something that neither of them would get used to.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys. Would not. BELIEVE. the day I had at work. I have had it UP TO HERE with this work. Had to stay super late past both my shift time and closing time just to finish all the craploads of work. Collapsed in bed as soon as I got home. Fun fact, I still can't feel my knees. 
> 
> But that's enough about me, how are y'all doing? Holding up well? Staying hydrated? 
> 
> Thank you, loyal readers, for giving me something to do that isn't just the cycle of work and rest. This fanfic means a lot to me and it means even more to me when I hear from y'all that it might actually be good. So always remember to kudos, comment, subscribe. 
> 
> It's the weekend now! Maybe I'll fuck around and post in the morning like I'm supposed to. 
> 
> Stay cool


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra starts developing a routine on her own in order to make sense of her failure and survive, with some help from someone familiar. Meanwhile in the rebellion, Glimmer and Adora get even closer and things get a little steamy, but in the end they're both nervous and just happy to have each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the weekend. Finally time to get my shit together.

  
  


When it happened again, Catra was venturing further out of the woods to larger towns. For example, a town that was big enough that it was a target to the horde. She was just about to leave when she heard the tanks. She couldn’t do anything to stop the attack, especially knowing what the horde would do to her if they caught her. But she could help the people. They were innocent in all this.

She picked up a crying child and carried him until he found his father. She helped lift some collapsed lumber that used to be a support beam so that people could crawl out of the building and flee. It was hard to help the people while staying out of view of all the soldiers, but everyone got out okay and she retreated back to safety. 

For the first time since she escaped--or would it be defected?--she felt good. Better than being in control felt, like she had control over herself. And she hated that. She hated that it made her think of Adora. She hated that she thought about when Adora first left the horde and abandoned everything she knew over random strangers. Because that was NOT what Catra was doing. She was just trying to fill the empty days of her new life on the run. She hated that she couldn’t ignore things that she used to. And yet she couldn’t stop moving, and couldn’t stop pulling people from the flames of the horde.

She told herself that it was spite. If Hordak wanted it, then she would make sure to mess that up as much as possible. Fuck that guy. And as long as she kept on the move enough, and nobody caught her trail, she was fine. She had to cover her face with her hood a lot and hide behind corners more to avoid getting caught, but it was thrilling. She could still outsmart the horde with her cunning and fast thinking. 

  
  


***

  
  


When Glimmer and Adora first started dating, Adora would sometimes instinctively flinch away from touch. But Glimmer was patient, and she loved Adora. So she learned to always ask permission, so that Adora could see it coming rather than being surprised. After a while, their hesitant touches became regular bonding as they became closer. And over time, Glimmer slowly helped Adora out of her cocoon of protection until they were more comfortable together than she ever was with the touch-needy Catra when they were in the horde. 

It took months of patience, and hard work, and mistakes, and working together to get to where they were at this moment. It happened so slowly that neither of them hardly noticed the slight changes.

They were in Glimmer’s room, where Adora spent more and more of her time in waking and in sleep. Glimmer sat on her desk, with her knees parted so Adora could stand in front of her and kiss her. She let the stronger woman’s hands roamed her hips and back while she teased at Adora’s ponytail with one hand. Their lips bobbed together in a perfect rhythm, tasting the other. 

This was one of the things they had developed as they got used to being together, just making out in the privacy of the princess’s chambers when the day moon had set, kissing each other mindlessly to avoid going to bed, especially after a good date. It was like recharging their batteries, filling each with a new and exciting energy when they were beat down after a long day. But it never went further than that passionate kissing, with the occasional moan of pleasure or playful nip. 

They separated as Adora kissed more passionately along Glimmer’s jawline and neck. She leaned back on one hand while the other still stroked Adora’s back as the other showed her devotion. 

“Adora...” She moaned in a whisper. It only encouraged the warrior to push harder, kissing that one spot just underneath her ear that always drove Glimmer wild. She gasped at the sensation, and clutched Adora tighter with all of her limbs, needing more of her. Then, with a small tap as a warning, she teleported the two of them up to Glimmer’s bed, with Adora on top of Glimmer, and Glimmer wrapping her legs around Adora’s hips, begging for more contact. 

Adora took only half a second to adjust to the change in position, and then smiled as she continued her way down Glimmer’s neck. She moaned in response, her eyes rolling back as Adora’s hands once again began roaming her body. Even though there was terrible strength hidden under her fingers from carrying the sword, her touch was restrained and gentle, and knowing that only made Glimmer shiver with pleasure. Having the larger woman on top of her, so strong and protective, made her sigh with love.

Then Adora returned to kiss Glimmer on the lips, her tongue roaming over her lips while she lowered her body to be closer, pressing more into Glimmer’s body. The heat that curled up in her abdomen was becoming hard to ignore, and she could feel herself becoming warmer all over, especially in the most important places. She ground her hips against her girlfriend for relief, but the need became greater. Adora continued kissing her with a steady pace, seemingly content to stay where they were. Meanwhile Glimmer took a risk, and started to feel under the hem of Adora’s pants around her hips and butt. She could feel Adora hesitate slightly above her, perhaps due to caution or maybe she was just distracted. She began slowly folding the pants down, to expose Adora further, when Adora actually stopped what she was doing to look at Glimmer with reluctance.

Glimmer immediately stopped, and propped herself up on her elbows.

“Sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t ask, if this is too much--” Adora sat back on her knees and ran a hand through her ponytail nervously and Glimmer sat up.

“I uh, thanks, it’s okay,” Adora said equally as nervous and apologetic. “I’ve just uh, never done this before, I’m sorry,”

“I know I’m sorry, neither have I, if it’s too soon we can--”

“Wait, really?”

“What?”

“You’ve never...” Glimmer’s blush went from aroused to embarrassed quickly. 

“I, no, I haven't. Is that…” Now it was Adora’s turn to be bashful and look away, while she rubbed the back of her neck. 

“No it’s not um. I mean it’s fine! I guess I just thought, that uh,”

“That I have .... done that... with other people?” Glimmer said almost like she didn’t believe it. Why would Adora think that? Adora covered her face with her hands to hide her cherry-red cheeks.

“I don’t know, I haven’t known you forever and you’re so amazing that I’m sure everyone would be offering--to date you! Not offering like you uhm,” Glimmer chuckled nervously.

“Are you kidding? I’m an awkward mess!”

And now they were both laughing to ease their tension, and Glimmer scooted back towards Adora again. 

“I’m nervous about it too. But you don’t need to worry about it, any of it. We can take our time.”

Adora sighed in relief and changed her position slightly so that her legs were in front of her rather than under her. She leaned her head down on Glimmer’s shoulder and they both relaxed slightly. 

“I’ll let you know when I’m ready.” Adora whispered tiredly. “But I guess it’s good to know I’m not the only one who doesn’t know what I’m doing.” 

Glimmer rubbed Adora’s back, her arousal replaced with romantic butterflies bursting in her ribs. It was so easy to love Adora, for everything that she was. It made her heart near bursting every time Adora brought her a flower, or so much as pecked her on the cheek for good luck before battle. Despite all her godlike strength and glory, she was so soft and tender whenever Glimmer entered the room. 

They decided to call it a night, and spooned into sleep. Adora thought that the big spoon was the best spoon to be, which suited Glimmer just fine most nights. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Someone caught on to her trail. Fortunately, it was Entrapta. The scientist was trying to track her down for the sake of Scorpia, and both of them got in touch with her when they pulled a skiff along the river that ran through the chasm in the woods. Catra found them and approached.

“Scorps? Trap? What are you doing here?”

“Catra! I’m so glad you’re okay, it took so long to find you! Wow, look at your new look, I love it!” Scorpia wrapped up Catra in a hug and Catra accepted. She was touch starved and she was allowed to be vulnerable to the slightest of degrees when it came to Scorpia. But she ended it just as quickly.

“Hordak doesn’t know where I am, does he?”

“No, I’ve been upset at him since he banished you. We haven’t been speaking!” Entrapta yelled in her usual enthusiastic volume, scaring away some narby birds in her rage. 

“It was less of a banishment than a near death experience.” Catra corrected. “You guys aren’t defecting too are you? You can’t throw away whatever careers you two have for me.”

“I told Scorpia you would say that!”

“It’s true, I was going to offer, but I had a feeling you would want some alone time.”

“So how did you find me?”

“We started picking up some rumors about a person in the whispering woods, always moving around, and they started doing good things against the horde.” Scorpia explained. Catra realized that she hadn’t kept as low a profile as she would have liked, and would need to correct that.

“So why did you come out here?”

“We came to give you this.” Entrapta’s hair reached across to her and revealed some silvery device that looked a lot like Entrapta’s recorder. “I juiced up my old recorder so that it can be a discrete communications device! It already had all the audio replicating capabilities, it just needed signal and radio! Besides, I can record all my data in Emily now.”

“We can still meet up and communicate, especially if you need anything. Anything at all.” 

Catra accepted the device and inspected its relabeled buttons. It seemed clear how to use it.

“Thanks guys, it would be good to have a lifeline if things go south. But are you sure nobody will catch on or intercept the communications?”

“We tested it out! Nobody will interfere with our secret communications.” Entrapta assured. “Everyone thought we were playing walky-talky until we got a good version that nobody can trace.”

“We just want to know where you are. And like I said, if _anything_ goes wrong.” Scorpia added.

Catra smiled. How was it possible that people liked her at all, even now when she had nothing. This was the first real conversation she had had in weeks. She was able to let her guard down when she was around them.

“You guys should get back to the horde before anyone realizes you’re gone.” She said, pocketing the device. “Then we can really test the range on this thing.” She winked at Entrapta.

Scorpia hugged her again, and this time Catra let it linger. Entrapta wrapped her hair around them both. All Catra did to protest was grumble slightly rather than push away. It felt good to have contact again. 

“Oh did you cut your hair? It looks nice!” Entrapta commented as she got back on the skiff. Catra waved them off with a smile. 

Okay so maybe she had nowhere to go and maybe she was a failure with nothing. But she had people, friends. Even though she had nothing, they still valued her friendship. Turning back to the wild, she wondered who on the other side of the war she could still count on.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please kudos, comment, and subscribe


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra does some more soul searching, then makes a new friend.

She used to be the Wild Cat of the Horde, the terrifying strategist behind Hordak’s power. She would wield her influence as naturally as breathing as all those who opposed her soon grew to shudder at her name.

Now, Catra didn’t know what she was doing. And what was worse was that she was doubting all her actions in her life up until now. She was happy, when she was around other people to show off. But later, when it was just her, alone in her bunk, she felt empty and aching for something that she didn’t know how to describe yet. And saving innocent people seemed to temporarily fill that emptiness, so she kept doing it. And kept hating herself for it because it would only validate Adora’s arguments from when she defected years ago. 

There was hate, but there was no anger. She hated how she grew up. She hated what Shadow Weaver did to her. She hated what she did to Adora. She hated Hordak for tossing her aside and ruining her life. She hate, hate, hated late into the night. But she wasn’t angry. She wasn’t bloodthirsty for revenge enough to risk doing anything stupid. 

So, she kept sleeping in lofty tree branches, and stealing only what she needed to survive, and moving around before anyone caught wind of her trail, and helping people escape the wrath of the horde. And she didn’t feel so empty anymore. But she was tired.

Tired of being cold at night. Tired of moving from one town to another. Tired of coming up with excuses for addressing how she was feeling when she couldn’t sleep. Tired of being in danger at all times. Tired of bathing in ice cold, moldy rivers.

But she didn’t grow tired of helping. Sure, she would take a break every now and then and go under the radar and avoid civilization altogether. If she made an appearance, she had to make sure to go unnoticed for a cool-down period before she could appear again. But something about it was exciting. Perhaps she should have felt guilty for that, but it was the curiosity of the excitement that kept her getting up in the morning and trying another hard day to survive rather than give up.

Not to mention, she was learning new things every day. Food, music, or even just exploring. There were parts of the forest that she hadn’t even seen yet after months on her own. Even as she ventured further out of the safety of the woods, she would always retreat back to the concealing branches to sleep. The wildlife hardly bothered her. That is, until one evening in the summer when she found something.

It looked like a hill at first, but the closer Catra looked, she started to realize that it had stovepipes and windows on the side. There were signs of living there, as a cup near one windowsill still had steam rising out of it. 

Catra, not being an idiot, decided to turn around and walk the opposite direction. Best not to fall in any kind of trap, or get spotted and turned in to the horde for a handsome price. No need to get tortured by whatever obviously insane murderer was hiding out here.

But after an hour of walking, she came back to the hut. 

_ Okay, the woods are playing around with the landscape again, right? Whatever, _ Catra thought. She gave one more attempt to leave, only with the same effect. She growled in frustration. By now it was dark out, and getting cold. Fine. Maybe the woods would be over whatever it was going through in the morning. Time for sleep. 

Catra could see her breathe when she exhaled, and knew that it was the woods playing with her again. Her cloak would hardly protect her bare feet from frostbite. She looked up at the top of the hut where smoke curled out of a chimney pipe, and decided to take her chances.

The roof of the hut was strong, made of tangled roots and branches built up over what must have been centuries. And the warmth from the hut seemed to rise up out of it, so she curled up tightly next to the chimney and tried to sleep with one eye open in case the owner of the home came around. She fell straight asleep. 

She woke up to morning light warming her back as pebbles were thrown at her.

“Ack! Hey, what the--” Catra rose quickly and peered over the edge of the roof to find the source.

There was an old woman, older than anybody Catra had ever seen, in a pink dress that draped over her like scrap cloth. Bespectacled eyes looked back at her, and the woman shook a broom in the air.

“Get out of Madame Razz’s garden, doggy!” She called to Catra, hurling more pebbles.

“Agh, fine, jeez! Quit hurling those at me! And I’m not ‘doggy’!” Catra had to admit, she had no idea what doggy meant. But she quickly leapt down from the roof and started to walk away, until the crazy old lady grabbed her wrist.

“Hey, do you want me gone or not?” Catra snapped. But now the countenance of the woman, Razz, had changed, as she studied Catra’s face. Crap. She might know about the bounty. “Let go of me,” She yanked her hand free easily. “I don’t trust people who speak in the third person.”

“Doggy, wait!” Razz called. Catra sighed and turned around, but the woman was gone. When she turned back to leave, Razz stood mere inches away from her, causing Catra to yelp in surprise. “You were here last night!” She seemed to realize.

“Uh, yeah? You just woke me up from where I was sleeping _ last night. _ What’s your issue?”

“Try to leave if you want, but the woods will whisper things!” She warned. “The woods sent you to me. And they sent me to you! Who are you?”

Now Catra was getting nervous, and her eyes darted around for an escape route. There was no way she could leave if the woods kept bringing her here. But there was no way she was going to tell a crazy old witch in the woods her real name.

“I’m--”

“It doesn’t matter, I need an extra pair of hands. Get inside, doggy.”

“I’m not--! Uuugh” Catra had to follow the woman into her home. It was cluttered with paraphernalia from natural fruits and nuts to tools to books and baskets and more. It was dark, the only source of light was the fire in the wall aside from whatever light was able to percolate through the tangled roof she had slept on. Catra immediately knew she didn’t want to spend any more time here than she had to. 

“You must be hungry, I have soup. And how is Adora?”

Catra’s heart stopped and her tail flung into the air. 

“What? Wait, you know Adora?”

The old woman was pouring stew into a bowl, and the smell made Catra’s mouth water.

“So do you, right? Oh no wait, have you two not met each other yet? I always get so confused. Perhaps you  _ will _ know Adora!” She handed Catra the bowl, but she didn’t realize she was holding food as her mind spun.

“What are you talking about, I know Adora. How do you know about Adora?”

Razz reached a hand out, and Catra could swear that the broom on the wall flew out a bit to meet her hand. She then swept some junk off a seat.

“Oh, you know Adora? Me too!” She said absentmindedly. Catra became frustrated again. She looked down at her hands and realized there was a bowl of food there, then sat down in the seat as she hesitantly licked at the broth. It was robust and nutty in flavor, with noodles sitting at the bottom of the broth. 

“We are the same, you know.” Razz continued as she went about touching everything in her hut while Catra lapped at the soup. 

“I really hope not.” Catra mumbled without looking up. Finally Razz found a blanket of some kind, but it was way too long and skinny to cover anyone warmly. It wasn’t until she slung one end of it over a tree branch, and it hung down, that Catra realized it was a tapestry. A tapestry that depicted She-Ra, glowing gloriously, holding the sword aloft.

“Huh?” Catra hummed quietly as she lowered her bowl and raised an eyebrow.

“You really don’t think so?” Razz said, keeping her eyes on the tapestry. She was focused on the face of She-Ra, even though the minimalist style didn’t show any features. “You think you are the only one going through what you’ve been through? You think you’re the only one to have loved a girl who had to be She-Ra? You think nobody has ever before been hurt because others have destiny and leave you behind?”

Catra didn’t know what to say. So she sat there, and didn’t say anything, while Razz reached up and placed her fingers gently next to She-Ra’s figure, as though reaching out for the person behind the picture. Catra thought she might say something profound again, but instead, she looked back at Catra and said,

“Uh, what was your name again?”

Catra sighed and looked down. This woman has been on her own for a long time. But she knew something about what Catra was going through, and she knew something about Adora and She-Ra. Catra needed to learn more, and to talk about all the feelings she had been having lately, and nobody knew better than this old Madame Razz lady in the woods. It would just take some patience to get there. Besides, she had food and was not apparently coherent enough to turn her in to the rebellion or the horde.

“It’s Catra.” She said. 

  
  


***

  
  


Catra ended up staying the night. Madame Razz gave her a soft place to sleep for the first time in two months, and Razz fell asleep in a rocking chair. There was a low bed made of old blankets and became a sort of soft nest on the ground. Catra tried to argue that Razz should sleep in her own bed, but the old woman seemed to be insisting that she slept in her rocking chair every night anyway. Catra would later wake up and vomit in the garden, waking Razz, who followed her outside in the middle of the night.

“What the hell was in that soup?!” She gurgled out when she had tried catching her breath, while Razz patted her back.

“Oh, some boiled fat trimmings, onions and garlic, a little nip of alcohol, corn, some bacon bits...” Razz started. Then she remembered something. “Oh, perhaps those things are all not good to feed cats like you, hm?” She didn’t seem bothered at all, just her usual cheery self. Catra groaned. She had no idea what cats were, but at least she wasn’t calling her doggy anymore.

After that, Catra had serious doubts about if this woman was trying to poison her. But the fact that she was warm and safe for the first night in a long, long time was tempting her to stay. Catra never slept with a blanket before (she had a built in blanket on her skin in the form of orange-brown fur) but now she was seeing the appeal. There was a stack of pillows on the floor where she had claimed the soft spot of the hut, and pulled the quilt up over her eyes until she could feel her own breath warm against her face. The fire was still lit, and with her feet close to the foot of it, she felt weeks of tension melting out of her muscles. Catra hadn’t realized how rough she had been living in the wild until she knew comfort again. Of course, she didn’t realize it because she was trained as a soldier her whole life, and felt like she should feel guilty or pampered for indulging such simple comforts. But the relief and warmth that went through her core reassured her that she was safe here. Nobody would find her, and she had a feeling that this crazy old lady wouldn’t turn her in. She would stay for now. She would figure out the rest as it came to her.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to google "what foods make cats sick" and now google thinks i own a cat. She'll be fine though.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpia gets Adora caught up, and Catra takes up a new hobby.

  
  


“Hey, Scorpia! Hey, over here!” She-Ra yelled across the battle. The rebellion had discovered one of the remote foundries that supplied the horde, and were taking it down, which was bad news for the horde officer who was stationed there. The battle raged around them with frightening pangs of metal on metal and the heat of the foundation coloring everything in a glowing red.

And yet, She-Ra seemed to be non threatening at the moment. At least to Scorpia--the soldier she had in a headlock under one arm that she seemed to have forgotten about was still feeling pretty threatening. 

“Scorpia! Do you have a minute!” She called up to the catwalk. Scorpia’s trusting senses and curiosity got the best of her, and she called back.

“Um, Adora? Is now a good time?” But as she spoke, she was sliding down a ladder to the main level of the forge to meet her, stinging and punching some rebels along the way. 

“I need to talk to you!” She-Ra called back, as she hurled the soldier over her back and threw him into an approaching squad.

After a minute of dancing and fighting around the room, they were back to back, being surrounded by both rebellion and horde soldiers on both sides. 

“Again, I gotta ask if this is the best time for this.” Scorpia said. They both began whipping around the circle, lashing out tail stings and sword swings as more enemies came in to replace them.

“I just wanted to know if you’ve heard from Catra!” She-Ra said, bowling one horde soldier into another. “We know she was discharged dishonorably, I just want to know that she’s safe!” There was a distant explosion from further in the forge. 

Scorpia knew that Catra had been in touch with Adora before she was sentenced to death. She suspected that if she were in Adora’s place, she would be worried too if Catra had suddenly vanished for so long. And she knew that Adora only wanted the best for Catra, it's why they had always restrained from going too far in battle on each other. And then there was how Catra had admitted to feeling about Adora...

“She’s safe.” Scorpia confided. “We’ve been in touch. She’s trying to not get caught by the horde or the rebellion.”

“So she’s been in touch with you?” Adora replied, spinning around on Scorpia, but not hurting her. Scorpia turned around to face the tall warrior in the eye. “She hasn’t reached out to me at all! I mean I get that you and I are on opposite sides and all, but we’re both on Catra’s team!” Adora yelled over the sound of the forge.

“Listen, you need to give her some space!” She ducked as a hunk of shrapnel whipped over her head. “She needs to sort some stuff out, she’s going through a lot!”

That seemed to hit She-Ra differently. She contemplated a moment, not looking up as she transformed her sword into a shield to deflect an incoming blow from another random soldier. 

“You’re right, Scorpia. Things have been different ever since the jungle. I guess I just needed to know that she’s safe.”

“I’m sure she’ll come to you when she’s ready!” Scorpia reassured. Suddenly there was a pink cloud of glitter next to them both a moment before Glimmer appeared. Without time to say anything, she grabbed them both and teleported them all to the outside of the mountain that the forge was in, while other forces evacuated as fast as they could.

“ _ It’s gonna blow!” _ everyone screamed in panic. Glimmer fell to her knees, to be caught by She-Ra for support as her energy ran low.

She-Ra and Scorpia shared a knowing look, and nodded once sternly before parting ways.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


A few days into her stay with Madame Razz, and Catra was starting to learn some of her habits and how she did things. This made it easier to communicate.

She found that Razz was most receptive to talking about the past while she was cooking. She found that Razz was more likely to remember Catra and who she was if she stayed a part of that process, by helping peel potatoes or stir a mix while she whipped the eggs. 

Catra started to learn that all these new foods she had been learning about could be combined into new, different foods through these strange culinary rituals. And she soon learned which foods to avoid if she didn’t want to get sick. Even if it smelled great, certain things would give her terrible stomach pains, despite being fine for Razz and other humans to eat regularly.

She learned that Adora was only one version from a long line of She-Ra’s. There had been others before her, but not for a long long time. Catra started to piece together that Mara was a She-Ra once, like Adora, but she wasn’t around anymore. Instead she had chosen destiny. And Razz was still waiting for her to come back.

“Oh my Mara, I had to teach her how to cook too. She was much less clumsy than I was! Hahaha...” Catra saw Razz quickly reaching for a hot skillet handle, and hastily threw a hand towel onto the handle just in time as Razz picked up the hot skillet. Catra sighed in relief that her reflexes were fast enough to prevent her from hurting herself. “Sometimes she goes away to train, or on missions, or to save the world. Sometimes I don’t see her for days or weeks at a time.”

_ She’s not coming back... _ Catra debating saying her thoughts aloud. Would that crush the woman? Would she even comprehend or remember? How long had she been waiting? For once, Catra found herself holding her tongue while she listened with her big soft ears to learn more.

Of course, she saw through the lady very quickly through analyzing her habits, she was able to learn how best to work with her. Was it manipulating? This was what she was trained to do by the horde, what she learned from others doing the same to her. But that was all behind her now, even if she didn’t realize it fully. She found herself protective of the witch, almost the same as when she helped people escape the horde. And the old lady took care of Catra too, giving her a soft place to sleep warmly, and cooked food.

It only took a short time for Catra to start opening up in return and telling her side of the story to Razz. She started with one very important question that she never got answered in the horde.

“Did you love her?”

Today, they were in the garden. Catra was much more agile than Adora, but still just as strong for labour. Madame Razz pulled out what Catra thought was weeds, but revealed orange roots that Catra had seen before.

“Love Mara?” Razz asked. “Or love Adora?”

“Wait, are you asking me if I love Adora?”

“What? No, I love Adora like a niece. But I was only in love with Mara!” Razz proclaimed.

“But how did you know? What if something changed? What if you were wrong?”

Razz reached out and patted Catra’s cheek gently, knowing that she would flinch, and being all the more gentle anyway.

“Oh dearie, it isn’t something you know. It is something you make.”

“What are you talking about,  _ making _ love? I thought it was just a feeling, I don’t get any say in it.”

“Come here, dearie.” Razz stood up and took Catra’s hand to lead her to a mossy bench outside the hut made of sawed logs. Catra sat down and waited as Razz went inside to get some things in a comical jumble of clangs and oomfs comings from the curtain that was her front door. When she returned, she shoved a tiny knife into Catra’s hands. It had a wooden handle and the blade was no more than an inch long. Catra raised an eyebrow.

“You’re giving me a weirdly small weapon?”

Razz sat down next to her, with her own slightly larger knife. 

“It’s only a weapon if you hurt people with it, isn’t it dearie? This is a tool.”

Catra gave the blade a few experimental swipes in the air, twisting it around in her hand.

“It doesn’t seem very efficient for combat.”

“Probably because it wasn’t made for fighting, dearie. Not all things are meant to destroy others. It seems like that to you because in war, everything and everyone will be destroyed eventually. But some things, dearie, are made to  _ create _ .”

Catra knew from the start that this was going to be some long winded metaphor that she would struggle to grasp at, but something in the way Razz spoke made her want to understand. She wanted to understand her role in a place where she did nothing but destroy, and understand what she would do now that she wasn’t destroying.

“But it’s a knife. All it does is, you know, cut stuff apart. That’s not creating, that’s still destroying.”

Now Razz reached around and ruffled through the pockets of her dress until she was able to produce what appeared to be a lump of wood. A small log, only about two inches in diameter and about a foot long. She dragged her own knife through it again and again in repeated, measured strokes as she continued to explain.

“We can look at it as creating and destroying in one action. Maybe I destroy the bad parts of the wood, and I cut away the ugly pieces. I destroy what I do not need, and cleave it from the rest. It will never be whole again! Nothing can repair what the knife drags through.” She turned the log around and started working on the opposite end now. “But it’s okay to never be whole again! Because it will leave behind something that is still whole, it is still whole dearie.” It started to take shape in the woman’s hands, the pale grains of the wood swirling around her knife as all the bark was removed. It was now long and skinny on most of it, but became swollen and oblong on the other end. She started to modify this large end more acutely. Catra watched in fascination at how Razz’s bony fingers manipulated the knife to do what she wanted. “It is still whole because I make it. I choose what it is and I create it. I create while I destroy. And I choose that this is whole. And I choose to create with the knife rather than destroy with it. It is not a weapon if I choose so. It is a tool.”

And with that she was finished, and handed a wooden spoon over to Catra. She took it so delicately, as though she were worried that it would break at her touch. But the craftsmanship was strong, and she realized that the implements she had been eating with this whole time she spent with her were all carved similarly. Her ears flicked around in awe as she looked from the spoon, to the smaller knife in her own hand. Catra had a feeling she understood what Razz meant about creating a whole by reducing the bad, but she didn’t want to admit it.

“What does it mean?”

“I gave you a knife so you can find out.” Razz said. “You have to find the meaning inside the wood, otherwise it will never be free. It will stay a branch forever until you carve it.” Then she patted Catra’s head and walked inside. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Catra spent her whole time whittling trying to figure out what Razz meant. Tossing the words around in her mind, she ended up making a lot of mistakes. Most frequently, she’d slip and cut herself with a yowl of pain that was quickly silenced when she put the wound to her mouth. Other times, she would mess up the piece she was working on by accidentally cleaving it in two by the grain. But Hordak and Shadow Weaver didn’t raise no quitter. 

Razz only gave her advice when Catra didn’t ask, which she never did. She wanted to figure it out on her own, but Razz would walk by and see what she was doing, and make a comment about her posture in passing. Soon the blisters started to outnumber the cuts. 

“Dearie you need to put that down before you cramp. Did you get the berries or not.”

“I got your berries, you crazy--”

“These aren’t berries, doggy. These are nuts.”

“I thought they were the same thing!” Now Catra was actually looking up and getting a little offended. In her defense, she didn’t know what things were called what. It’s not like she asked what they were when she stole or ate things. Razz was patient but her patience was wearing thin. She held some razzberries in one hand, and peanuts in the other hand.

“Berries, juicy and bright. Nuts hard and crunchy.”

“Fine, fine, whatever.” 

“What are you carving?”

“I don’t know, a wooden knife I guess. It’s easier doing something flat first. I don’t know how you get the hollow part of the spoon carved out.”

“Hm. You are distracted.”

“Psh, no I’m not. I’m just multitasking.” Catra crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

Razz smacked Catra upside the back of the head, and the feline acted accordingly. 

“Focus up!” Razz advised. Catra shrugged in what could be an offended way. 

Next time that she sat down with her knife after going out for berries, she tried to focus on her posture. She tried not to cut herself, and focused hard on relaxing her back muscles. Then she tried to breath rather than tensing up and holding her breath like she was used to. 

Now all she had to do was sustain that for the duration of her carve. She pushed the knife through gently at first, then forced it to the end so that the bark fell down in an even stroke.

Razz checked in after Catra had been sitting outside for two hours quietly without saying anything. Catra had been keeping herself focused on nothing but the wood and the knife the entire time, and had something to show for it. Razz approached, and she held up the wooden butter knife without saying anything, offering for inspection by the expert. 

Razz turned over the knife in her hands with a keen eye.

“This is terrible, dearie. But I think you get it.”

Catra actually chuckled lightly. It felt good to just let it out. She felt vulnerable again, and it made her feel a strange way. Like with Scorpia and Entrapta, it was letting those walls down and not feeling unsafe from it. It was a start. But she wanted to keep whittling away at those insecurities, and keep working on using a weapon for something that wasn’t a threat. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession, I am a self taught whittler of over eight years now and I still suck very much at it. But you know what, there is a definite philosophy to wood working with your hands. It seems like something Catra would like, where she can be productive but also be holding a knife cause you know she's not ready to show herself being vulnerable with knitting or the like. Also it really does clear your head. There's no room to think about anything else when you have to focus on your hands at risk of cutting yourself (I do have a permanent scar on my finger from one incident tho). 
> 
> Anyway, kudos, comment, subscribe and all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Describing the routine that Catra gets comfortable with during her year with Razz.

  
  


Catra used the whittling when she needed to not think. It would let her shut off her brain and be free from her darker thoughts, which helped her take them on more rationally later. But she soon grew out of making spoons, and moved on to making little wooden animals that she was learning about, which included horses and birds and fish. While she felt like she lived with Razz, she would often disappear saying that she would be back in a few days. She would go mess with the horde and help people in danger, then return for her cool-down period for several more days. During that time, she would tend to her own minor wounds, sleep, help with cooking and do the chores that Razz needed done around her hut. She still wanted to know more about She-Ra, but mainly kept the crazy old lady from killing herself accidentally. 

She sat on the roof above the door, letting the wood chips fall without care as always. But then she saw a giant white horse trotting up to the hut without concern, like he knew what he was doing. Not only that, but he had giant multicolored wings. What the hell? Catra was able to hide herself behind the chimney just in time so that the stallion didn’t see her. He put his head through their curtain and called in.

“Hey Razz I’m back!” Catra recognized that voice, he was the talking horse that was always with Adora. He was that thing that flew them out of the jungle together, she had wondered if she had hallucinated that, it would have made more sense than a flying, talking horse.

“Swift Wind, dearie! How are you?” Razz responded in kind. The horse, Swift Wind (if that was his name, after all she kept calling Catra “doggy”) backed out back into the yard and gardens. Razz came out in turn and petted him. “How is my sweet Mara?”

“Adora is still good, so is everybody else. How are you holding up out here on your own?” He smiled as he sat to lie down in the grass. 

“Oh I keep telling you, Swifty, I am not alone. Plus now I have Catra.”

“What, Catra? She’s here?” His ears flicked forward and his smile turned.

“No, she’s hiding on the roof. It makes her feel taller.” Razz said with a grin. With no more need of hiding, Catra stood up and crossed her arms with her ears down low to look offended.

“I’m not short, it’s for tactical surveillance advantage!” She scoffed.

“Uh... hi Catra! It’s been a while.” SwiftWind said awkwardly. Catra stayed on the roof and lashed her tail in annoyance. 

“What are you doing here? How did you find me?” Catra questioned. SwiftWind tossed his mane around. 

“I’m not here for  _ you _ , I check in on Razz all the time. You don’t just leave old ladies in the woods on their own without checking in on them! Have a heart!”

Catra hissed and brandished her little whittling knife.

“Now now Catra! Remember what that knife is for! The friend of your friend is your friend!”

“I don’t think that’s how it goes.” Swiftwind mumbled. Catra leapt down from the building in an acrobatic somersault, landing right in front of Razz and Swift Wind. 

“Look I won’t tell anyone you’re here.” Swiftwind said, rolling his eyes. “Unless it’s like an emergency. I just come here to check on Razz every once in a while. Nobody knows that I come here, I  _ have _ a personal life.” Catra narrowed her eyes in suspicion. 

“Why not?” She questioned. 

“Oh come on, it’s not like you’re much of a threat lately,” Swift Wind retorted. 

“What-- you take that back! I can be threatening, I’ll tear your eyes out!”

“Children, please,” Razz said, petting both of their heads. “No need to fight over custody of Madame Razz. There is enough for everybody.”

“Okay fine, just don’t tell anybody I‘m laying low here.”

“Fine, as long as she stays out of trouble.”

“Razz are you sure you can trust him? He’s a talking horse for crying out loud.” But when she turned to look at the woman, Razz was gone. Swift wind and Catra looked around in confusion. 

“Are you coming, kids?” Razz called from somewhere far away in the trees. “You promised to help me collect honey today!” Catra and Swiftwind had no memory of agreeing to this, but knowing Razz’s antics, they followed the sound of her voice.

“She’s gotten us confused with other people again, hasn’t she.” Catra droned in a monotone voice. 

“Yeah but I’m not letting her get stung by a hive of bees on her own.” the horse said alongside her. Catra could tell that Swift wind had a million questions burning in his head, ready to burst out, and she prayed that the dam would hold. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


And that was how she started a new routine. Catra would live and work with Razz, and practice whittling. Then she would duck out for a few days, fight off the horde, help people out, before coming back to the hut for a safe place to sleep and talk about how they both lost someone they love to the destiny of She-Ra. Every few weeks Swift Wind would check in on Razz, and Catra had to trust that he wouldn’t spill her secret about where she was. Catra kept up that habit for months more, and once in a while used the device that Entrapta made to send a message to Scorpia so that they could meet up and catch up on the horde stuff. It helped with her secret missions to go out and prevent the horde from invading the whispering woods, thanks to intel from Scorpia. It became a routine that made her happy. It made her feel not empty anymore, and she knew what to do with that angry energy she had, and it let her sleep at night in a little cottage. 

Catra was learning how to be happy. She was learning how to whittle, and she was learning how to be vulnerable, and learning about herself and what she felt. She was healing a little bit at a time. It was the start of something new. Scorpia was happy that Catra was improving. While Catra had wanted to go out and be alone in the woods for her banishment, she found that her space in the woods was filling with more people she could trust. 

She would only talk to Razz about real stuff when the day moon had set. She learned that Razz always fell asleep in her rocking chair, so Catra would be allowed to keep using the soft pile of blankets and pillows on the floor as her bed. She would have to play along with whatever confusing details Razz added in, like forgetting what year it was or acting like things that had already happened were going to happen in the future, or predicting things in the future that had never happened. 

“The three Queens of Brightmoon would know what to do,” she would ramble. But Catra hadn’t known of any such reign, and there was currently only one Queen in Brightmoon. 

Catra tried not to put too much faith into those premonitions, after all, it wouldn’t happen for years and there was no way she could know. She was just confused, perhaps with events in the past.

Of course, they wouldn’t speak every night. Sometimes they just regarded each other like roommates. But tonight, it was one year since leaving the horde. More than half of it was spent here in this hut. It was supposed to be when she killed Hordak and assumed the throne of the horde. She thought it was everything she wanted, but now she still had people who trusted her, maybe even more than before, despite her failed coup and career. But there was still one person on her mind more than others. 

“Razz, who was Mara?” Catra asked so quietly that she was barely heard over the fire that the older woman was looking into. Razz sighed nostalgically. 

“Well my Mara... she is a great hero. But she never wanted to be. But the sword had chosen her...”

“She was chosen to be She-Ra.”

“She will be a great She-Ra!” Razz giggled. “Just like Adora will be.”

“Adora?”

“She is so much like my Mara. Brave and strong, with a big heart... she could never let anybody get hurt.” Catra wasn’t sure who Razz meant, but she preferred to think it was Adora.

“What happened to her?”

“She never wanted to be She-Ra, she only wanted to protect everyone. And it consumed her. We have to be patient with her.” Again, Catra had no idea if that was Adora or Mara. It sounded more familiar to Razz, but Catra knew that it was Adora’s whole purpose. “But she always comes back. I am sure she will come back again. And when she does, we will make a cake together.”

“But aren’t you mad about that? Always leaving you behind?” Catra lay down and stared at the thatch ceiling. “You’re out here all on your own... and the only person who cared just keeps putting all these other priorities first.”

“Oh dearie. I understand.” Razz nodded and rocked her chair a bit to help keep awake. “Sometimes things get in the way. But Mara, she always comes back. Sometimes it just takes some time.”

Catra felt like Mara wouldn’t come back this time. Razz had been living here for decades, longer than any living thing in Etheria. Or maybe she did know, and messed up her timelines again. 

But Adora was still around. They still had time together.

“I just can’t be the side-kick waiting for the hero to return... I need to be valued for who I am and not who I’m with.”

“You want to be involved.” Razz nodded, throwing some wood chips into the fire. “And yet...here you are, on the sidelines.”

Catra got the sense that Razz’s comment was meant to cut at her, and in a way it did. But mainly, she was surprised at what she had said, it showed her a new edge to the story. 

“I--I’m not on the sidelines, I have to lay low or I’ll end up in a cell.” Catra defended halfheartedly. She felt like she was at a sleepover sometimes.

“Of course, there are more dangerous things. Even She-Ra is not invincible.” Razz counteracted. “We have a lot in common, you and I, kitty cat.”

Catra chuckled. How had it come to this?

“Well we did lose someone we love to the destiny of She-Ra... unless you mean to tell me that you’re a fugitive too?”

Razz laughed. 

“Destiny is not a truth that you become. It is a story you tell when you make it yourself.”

“You know that makes no sense, right?”

“Hmm. Yeah don’t know where that one came from.”

They sat in silence for a moment longer again. Catra thought that Razz had fallen asleep. She was starting to drift off too, until the old witch spoke up again.

“Just when you think you are alone, you may find a stray war criminal on your roof. And just when that woman thinks she’s alone, she’ll find the only other person in the world who might be able to understand what she’s going through. It all happens again...and again...”

It almost sounded like Razz was talking to herself, or someone who Catra couldn’t see. So, she finally let go and allowed herself to drift off into sleep.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a very thrilling conclusion, but don't worry the adventure will continue.   
> Please comment with your thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it's late. Again.   
> Getting back into some stuff that's relevant to the big-picture long-term plot again here. As always, kudos, comment, and subscribe if you like it. Love reading those positive comments, gets me through the day.   
> Okay I need a sleep good night and good gay


End file.
